Leah’s Daughter’s Words











{March 25, 2009}   Wonderings..

Do I think he’s beautiful because he’s kinda forbidden and a likely challenge… or is he beautiful for the reasons he caught my eye in the first place? I think the latter, yet a little bit of both. Oh Lord, help me stay focused and stay away! Not in a paranoid way, but I know me and how I operate and I don’t want the real thing to be that way… so I just want to do this right regardless of how it goes… because if he’s him, I will be more than willing to wait =0)

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{March 7, 2009}   You Are My Everything

Lord, You really are. Thank you for showing me that in the little things. Help my heart to pray for people, even when “I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t WANNA!” lol (smh), it’s true though. I love where You have me at and am excited to see where You are taking me. I just loooove You!



{March 5, 2009}   S.O.S.!!

I’m not even sure what that stands for anymore, lol. But, I think it has to do with needing help… at least sometimes. Anyway! I don’t know what happened. I was doing great. Then I just got so heavy. I need to talk to God. I have to. Because on He knows what’s up and what I need to see. I just have been realizing how in love with Him I have been lately and kinda despising anything/one that might seem like they would be in the way of that. Not in a “I hate your guts way” but a “don’t think you’re getting in front” kinda way. That is good for me, because it shows growth. Anyways… I need to go handle my business. My refuge. I love You!



{March 2, 2009}   Refreshed to Go the Distance

I think that was a title from a women’s conference, but whatever… that is where I am. I just got encouraged right on time. I will not grow weary in well doing. This is a fight. The studio was great last night and I am excited about what’s to come soon. I gotta work on these poems tonight, work on some homework, clean a little and most importantly spend some quality time with the Lord… My life is really fun, it’s unbelieveable… I really am “closer to my dreams…” ::smile::



{March 1, 2009}   ::Smile::

I don’t know what it is Lord, but for some reason, tonight… I feel… beautiful. Beautiful in a way that I cannot describe so I will just say thank You and amen :0)



{February 28, 2009}   Just… Hurt

No clever titles tonight. I know I didn’t ask for this, but I accepted the offer that would, to my suprise, be the first step to my eventual heartbreak. I didn’t think it would go down like this, especially since you could say I was promised the “moon, stars, etc” which I usually don’t go for… ever. Through all the tears that I am not sure if they were real to the former cheer leaders that now don’t remember their encouragements. It’s hard because I feel alone in this. That everybody understands what happened but they just don’t get it… It’s just me and of course, You Lord that has been here even when I ignored Your counsel. You’ve picked up the pieces and are remolding the woman, but it still hurts. I wish it didn’t. It’s just something about when he goes up to minister that it just seems like a lie. I know that when it comes to that I’m suppose to recieve the Word, not so much the person, but I see him too much. I just can’t bare it. I realized that I fortunately don’t hate him, but I surely don’t like him, strongly rather. Dad, please heal these wounds, these scars, please let me have back that piece of my heart that I gave him. I want it all back and then some. Help me to continually pray for those who crush me.

This song is like the epitome of where I’m at right now, just about every word.

 

It Was You by Emily King

Right Now To The Way We Were
So In Love But Life
Soon Brings Change
Through Ones Eyes
He Cried Tears For Me
But By His Side
I Can No Longer Be

We Used To Talk All Night
Of Different Things, But U,
U Didnt Hear Me Cry
Our Love Is Ending
Somewhere Between The Lies
This Sadness I Could No Longer Hide

Cuz It Was You Before The Sunlight
Back In My Life It Was You
Who Promised Me Forever

That Things Would Be Right
It Was You Who Made Me Cry,
Now To You I Say Goodbye
Through The Lies And The Truth
It Was You

And So My Love Goodbye
I’ll Miss You So You’ve Though Gone
But Leaves Do Change
As Time Goes On
And Though We Parted In The Ends
For All The Time Spent In Love
I Thank You

Cuz It Was You Before The Sunlight
Back In My Life It Was You
Who Promised Me Forever
That Things Would Be Right
It Was You Who Made Me Cry,
Now To You I Say Goodbye
Through The Lies And The Truth
It Was…

You Who Never Spoke Your Feelings
So Many Times I Tried To Tell You
That You Were Losing Me
But You Never Tried To Make Things Better
But You Didnt Choose To Seeeee My Pain
Now I’ve Got One Thing Left To Say
It Was You

Cuz It Was You Before The Sunlight
Back In My Life It Was You
Who Promised Me Forever
That Things Would Be Right
It Was You Who Made Me Cry,
Now To You I Say Goodbye
Through The Lies And The Truth
It Was You

This is almost unreal… God help



{February 26, 2009}   Sunshine: An Analogy

It rained today.

I thought that it would be worst than it was, but it wasn’t.

I thought that it would rain all day but it didn’t.

I thought I would get soaked, but my umbrella was in my trunk.

When I came outside the sun was shining.

It felt great, almost as if it had never rained.

I was encouraged by the weather today.

I thought of it, then I looked at my life.

I thought it was gonna rain long and hard but it didn’t.

The sunshine came and I was grateful.

So now, “I’m just trying to keep the Son in my eyes.” -Trip Lee



{February 25, 2009}   No More Idols

It’s been an interesting week and I’m fightin like never before… at least I hope I am. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. It’s more of this consistensy thing that’s been rough on me. I have the desire to get it in with the Lord and read my Word, but there have been days where I have wondered where time has gone aside from “little convos” with Him.

I’m seeing certain things in my life that look like they’ve been weightier than what my focus should be… so here I am at this point that many people face and have faced, but it sounds weird to say it these days, but Lord I cast down my idols… give me clean hands and a pure heart… let me not lift my soul to another.



{February 22, 2009}   Why oh Why…

Why is it that everytime I swear off even lookin at men that one comes along that gets me thinkin like “hmmm there could be somethin there?” I don’t need this right now. I have enough issues and unfortunate unclosed cases. I am not even going to get excited because this isn’t the season. My heart needs to heal from the last one and I need to get me in order in every area. I won’t lie… the thought is nice… but just not right now…

 



{February 19, 2009}   Misty Blue

“I should forget you/heaven knows I’ve tried!”

This is getting ridiculous. Lord, why is this happening to me? I’ve tried making the best of it for months now without whining, but this is getting plain ridiculous. I know Your ways are higher than my ways and Your thoughts are higher than mind and that You know what is best for me and what I can handle, but Dad, I don’t think I can take anymore. Why me? Why now? Why even him of all people? I have found every reason plus 25 more of why I shouldn’t be concerned about him, but this is not fun at all. I really don’t wanna care. I don’t wanna anything, but nothing is changing and it’s actually beginning to piss me off, lol (not funny). This is cruel and unusual punishment that yeah, I am sure for many reasons I deserve, but Lord please have mercy! I want the right thing!



et cetera