Leah’s Daughter’s Words











{March 24, 2009}   What Do I Do?

So I’ve been in this rut… it’s weird. It is almost like I have gone out of my way to get closer to God and I still feel two steps behind… maybe it’s my mood or I’m overthinking I don’t know. I’m struggling with my heart when it comes to my church family. There are some that have been true, but it seems lately the others have outweighed the legit. Not to say this is about numbers but it just hurts, that’s all. I don’t know who to invest my time in these days. I have been fighting to love people regardless, it just really hurts.

On another note, I am excited and a little nervous about my decision to move next year. I am ready to experience life and the world outside of my city. I want to be places I’ve never been and do things beyond my own expectations. I can’t and can wait! Lord, guide me!

And on a siiiiiiide note… I have a great dilemma. I am not sure what it really is yet, but I believe I have a crush, a real one. I don’t wanna say and not gonna say because first of all I know I’m not ready for anything anytime soon, I’m still looking for me, so no need to be looking at him. Besides if this is legit, it will be complicated because this would be an illegal interest… Oh Lord, direct my ways…



{March 7, 2009}   You Are My Everything

Lord, You really are. Thank you for showing me that in the little things. Help my heart to pray for people, even when “I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t WANNA!” lol (smh), it’s true though. I love where You have me at and am excited to see where You are taking me. I just loooove You!



{March 1, 2009}   ::Smile::

I don’t know what it is Lord, but for some reason, tonight… I feel… beautiful. Beautiful in a way that I cannot describe so I will just say thank You and amen :0)



{February 26, 2009}   Sunshine: An Analogy

It rained today.

I thought that it would be worst than it was, but it wasn’t.

I thought that it would rain all day but it didn’t.

I thought I would get soaked, but my umbrella was in my trunk.

When I came outside the sun was shining.

It felt great, almost as if it had never rained.

I was encouraged by the weather today.

I thought of it, then I looked at my life.

I thought it was gonna rain long and hard but it didn’t.

The sunshine came and I was grateful.

So now, “I’m just trying to keep the Son in my eyes.” -Trip Lee



{February 8, 2009}   Life After Love Lost…

There is.

Thank God.

Seriously.



{February 7, 2009}   The Epitome of A Friend

A simple reality check has come my way recently. Something that could be considered obvious, but in my mind hadn’t apparently been so obvious. The friend(s) I have been wanting, searching for, breaking my neck to obtain, risking my feelings to maintain among several other things was all wrong. I’ve been putting people in a place/position they have no place. Having certain expectations of them that they could never meet, therefore wasting everybody’s time with a void they can’t fill. I know people always say things like, “oh baby, don’t you know you have a friend in Jesus?” but when you aren’t really trying to hear that, you agree and walk away. Or sometimes finding yourself saying things like that or “God accepts you even when others don’t” and the crazy thing is, I’ve never tried to understand the things I have learned and have passed on the way that I am now. It could be because I have been broguht so low, and realizing He was all I could reach for, maybe that’s what it took to wake me up unfortunately. But you know what… to know, to truly know what I know now and have what I have now, it was well worth it. God has really been that awesome Friend, that never failing Father, or Daddy rather… who woulda knew…

“I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free!”



{February 5, 2009}   My Forever Love

Lord, You are my forever love… it’s true. I love the song by Francesca Battestelli entitled, “Forever Love.” But, anyways… it seems so simple but it is bigger than that. You never sleep, are always faithful, never fail. It’s truly amazing in every sense of the word. I’m happy to know You, which is an understatement. I need to keep my eyes on You and then everything else will make sense.

I decided to take a chill day from school today, only have one class today anyway, unless they email and say my refund check is ready lol, then I am there with the quickness! I wanted to rest a little and do some homework. Got much to do this weekend and for the rest of this month in fact. So here goes nothing… smile anyway 🙂



Yup! That’s what I have been doin for the last… 9 months I think. I guess morals didn’t play a major role for everyone in this, but that’s another story. So here’s day 2 of leaving it behind. Funny thing is, I’m making my peace with it. My happiness isn’t found in him anymore, nor is my joy or my will. I have cast down my idols in reference to the times when he was put on a pedestule in my life. That should have never been. I’ve repented of that and I will leave it where it belongs… in the past. It’s about time to clean out that closet, those items and those memories. I think that’ll be the hard part, because I don’t want to relive any of that stuff. I’d rather it be tucked somewhere and happen to disappear. I gotta fade you out. I just have to… I’m finally free from being love’s prisoner, from wasting time… the healing process is on another level…

 

“When you decide to break the rules/Cuz i just heard some real bad news”



{February 2, 2009}   The Grass Is Greener

I dunno, just felt like that was a good title for this, but has nothing to do with the quote. My thinking is, not only is the grass greener, but the sun is brighter, everything just seems a lot better. I feel better. Like I woke up to reality that I have a full life. It’s challenging to see that at times with distractions in the way, but once they are pushed to the side… it’s clear. I realize how free I actually am. It’s a beautiful thing.



{January 31, 2009}   Rejuvenated

Yup, that’s the word! I am truly excited about these next coming months. There is so much to be excited about and mucho going on. And it may begin as early as this coming Saturday… NYC here I come! I’m so grateful for how far God has brought me, it makes me speechless at times. It’s amazing to look back, literally amazing. So I have mucho studying to do tonight and some paperwork for work… so here goes the night…

“i feel like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe/I feel like I’m falling and this is the life for me”



et cetera