Leah’s Daughter’s Words











{March 24, 2009}   What Do I Do?

So I’ve been in this rut… it’s weird. It is almost like I have gone out of my way to get closer to God and I still feel two steps behind… maybe it’s my mood or I’m overthinking I don’t know. I’m struggling with my heart when it comes to my church family. There are some that have been true, but it seems lately the others have outweighed the legit. Not to say this is about numbers but it just hurts, that’s all. I don’t know who to invest my time in these days. I have been fighting to love people regardless, it just really hurts.

On another note, I am excited and a little nervous about my decision to move next year. I am ready to experience life and the world outside of my city. I want to be places I’ve never been and do things beyond my own expectations. I can’t and can wait! Lord, guide me!

And on a siiiiiiide note… I have a great dilemma. I am not sure what it really is yet, but I believe I have a crush, a real one. I don’t wanna say and not gonna say because first of all I know I’m not ready for anything anytime soon, I’m still looking for me, so no need to be looking at him. Besides if this is legit, it will be complicated because this would be an illegal interest… Oh Lord, direct my ways…



{March 7, 2009}   You Are My Everything

Lord, You really are. Thank you for showing me that in the little things. Help my heart to pray for people, even when “I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t WANNA!” lol (smh), it’s true though. I love where You have me at and am excited to see where You are taking me. I just loooove You!



{March 1, 2009}   ::Smile::

I don’t know what it is Lord, but for some reason, tonight… I feel… beautiful. Beautiful in a way that I cannot describe so I will just say thank You and amen :0)



{February 26, 2009}   Sunshine: An Analogy

It rained today.

I thought that it would be worst than it was, but it wasn’t.

I thought that it would rain all day but it didn’t.

I thought I would get soaked, but my umbrella was in my trunk.

When I came outside the sun was shining.

It felt great, almost as if it had never rained.

I was encouraged by the weather today.

I thought of it, then I looked at my life.

I thought it was gonna rain long and hard but it didn’t.

The sunshine came and I was grateful.

So now, “I’m just trying to keep the Son in my eyes.” -Trip Lee



{February 25, 2009}   No More Idols

It’s been an interesting week and I’m fightin like never before… at least I hope I am. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. It’s more of this consistensy thing that’s been rough on me. I have the desire to get it in with the Lord and read my Word, but there have been days where I have wondered where time has gone aside from “little convos” with Him.

I’m seeing certain things in my life that look like they’ve been weightier than what my focus should be… so here I am at this point that many people face and have faced, but it sounds weird to say it these days, but Lord I cast down my idols… give me clean hands and a pure heart… let me not lift my soul to another.



{February 16, 2009}   Being A Grown Up

It officially sucks and is also great at the same time. I am proud that I’m makin some adult decisions, but don’t like the money it’s costinig me up front in many areas, (i.e. I got a BJs membership tonight) yet I know in the long run that was worth it along with my purchases. I have a lot on my plate and not much time to lolly gag with foolishness, which is good for me, but it’s still a lot. I am excited about these moves I am and will be making. I guess I am just a little drained and sometimes overwhelmed by it all. But overall, it’s not so bad. I am grateful and “happy” for the most part. My joy in the Lord is rather consistent so yay!



{February 15, 2009}   10 Things I Hate About You

I’m feeling romantic-comedy-ish right now… thinking about some things in the midst of getting others out of my system. Things are really going well until I think about this… but I know and believe this will pass… so here goes…

10 Things I Hate About You

10. I hate that you are more stubborn than I am

9. I hate that you keep secrets

8. I hate that you make decisions when you know you aren’t sure

7. I hate that you are afraid to be alone, it concerns me

6. I hate that we’re not friends anymore and it doesn’t seem to phase you

5. I hate that you didn’t keep your words to me, wonder if you ever meant it

4. I hate that we have all these mutual friends so now it’s harder to escape you

3. I hate that you used to make me smile/laugh when I was mad at you

2. I hate that you thought replacing me would make things better, it didn’t

1. I hate the way you say goodbye and walked away from me/us… it’s so permanant

It was good to get that out. I am moving forward, but it still hurts. I don’t know if I have ever been to such a place in my life. It’s growing me up something crazy, but Lord, if this is the life of growing up… a big part of me is sayin “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid” lol, but seriously. This is so jacked up it almost seems wrong. I feel like I am watching someone make the biggest mistake of their life and all I can do is let them… or maybe it’s me that made the mistake of agreeing to try this out in the first place way back when… Oh God, You know… time will tell and You will heal… it really hurts though… Thank You for lifting my head!



{February 7, 2009}   The Epitome of A Friend

A simple reality check has come my way recently. Something that could be considered obvious, but in my mind hadn’t apparently been so obvious. The friend(s) I have been wanting, searching for, breaking my neck to obtain, risking my feelings to maintain among several other things was all wrong. I’ve been putting people in a place/position they have no place. Having certain expectations of them that they could never meet, therefore wasting everybody’s time with a void they can’t fill. I know people always say things like, “oh baby, don’t you know you have a friend in Jesus?” but when you aren’t really trying to hear that, you agree and walk away. Or sometimes finding yourself saying things like that or “God accepts you even when others don’t” and the crazy thing is, I’ve never tried to understand the things I have learned and have passed on the way that I am now. It could be because I have been broguht so low, and realizing He was all I could reach for, maybe that’s what it took to wake me up unfortunately. But you know what… to know, to truly know what I know now and have what I have now, it was well worth it. God has really been that awesome Friend, that never failing Father, or Daddy rather… who woulda knew…

“I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free!”



{February 5, 2009}   My Forever Love

Lord, You are my forever love… it’s true. I love the song by Francesca Battestelli entitled, “Forever Love.” But, anyways… it seems so simple but it is bigger than that. You never sleep, are always faithful, never fail. It’s truly amazing in every sense of the word. I’m happy to know You, which is an understatement. I need to keep my eyes on You and then everything else will make sense.

I decided to take a chill day from school today, only have one class today anyway, unless they email and say my refund check is ready lol, then I am there with the quickness! I wanted to rest a little and do some homework. Got much to do this weekend and for the rest of this month in fact. So here goes nothing… smile anyway 🙂



Yup! That’s what I have been doin for the last… 9 months I think. I guess morals didn’t play a major role for everyone in this, but that’s another story. So here’s day 2 of leaving it behind. Funny thing is, I’m making my peace with it. My happiness isn’t found in him anymore, nor is my joy or my will. I have cast down my idols in reference to the times when he was put on a pedestule in my life. That should have never been. I’ve repented of that and I will leave it where it belongs… in the past. It’s about time to clean out that closet, those items and those memories. I think that’ll be the hard part, because I don’t want to relive any of that stuff. I’d rather it be tucked somewhere and happen to disappear. I gotta fade you out. I just have to… I’m finally free from being love’s prisoner, from wasting time… the healing process is on another level…

 

“When you decide to break the rules/Cuz i just heard some real bad news”



et cetera