Leah’s Daughter’s Words











{March 11, 2009}   I Just Don’t Know…

I hope to get to the bottom of what this is… I am just not sure… but it is so in the way! Lord…….

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{February 25, 2009}   No More Idols

It’s been an interesting week and I’m fightin like never before… at least I hope I am. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. It’s more of this consistensy thing that’s been rough on me. I have the desire to get it in with the Lord and read my Word, but there have been days where I have wondered where time has gone aside from “little convos” with Him.

I’m seeing certain things in my life that look like they’ve been weightier than what my focus should be… so here I am at this point that many people face and have faced, but it sounds weird to say it these days, but Lord I cast down my idols… give me clean hands and a pure heart… let me not lift my soul to another.



{February 16, 2009}   Being A Grown Up

It officially sucks and is also great at the same time. I am proud that I’m makin some adult decisions, but don’t like the money it’s costinig me up front in many areas, (i.e. I got a BJs membership tonight) yet I know in the long run that was worth it along with my purchases. I have a lot on my plate and not much time to lolly gag with foolishness, which is good for me, but it’s still a lot. I am excited about these moves I am and will be making. I guess I am just a little drained and sometimes overwhelmed by it all. But overall, it’s not so bad. I am grateful and “happy” for the most part. My joy in the Lord is rather consistent so yay!



{February 7, 2009}   The Epitome of A Friend

A simple reality check has come my way recently. Something that could be considered obvious, but in my mind hadn’t apparently been so obvious. The friend(s) I have been wanting, searching for, breaking my neck to obtain, risking my feelings to maintain among several other things was all wrong. I’ve been putting people in a place/position they have no place. Having certain expectations of them that they could never meet, therefore wasting everybody’s time with a void they can’t fill. I know people always say things like, “oh baby, don’t you know you have a friend in Jesus?” but when you aren’t really trying to hear that, you agree and walk away. Or sometimes finding yourself saying things like that or “God accepts you even when others don’t” and the crazy thing is, I’ve never tried to understand the things I have learned and have passed on the way that I am now. It could be because I have been broguht so low, and realizing He was all I could reach for, maybe that’s what it took to wake me up unfortunately. But you know what… to know, to truly know what I know now and have what I have now, it was well worth it. God has really been that awesome Friend, that never failing Father, or Daddy rather… who woulda knew…

“I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free!”



Yup! That’s what I have been doin for the last… 9 months I think. I guess morals didn’t play a major role for everyone in this, but that’s another story. So here’s day 2 of leaving it behind. Funny thing is, I’m making my peace with it. My happiness isn’t found in him anymore, nor is my joy or my will. I have cast down my idols in reference to the times when he was put on a pedestule in my life. That should have never been. I’ve repented of that and I will leave it where it belongs… in the past. It’s about time to clean out that closet, those items and those memories. I think that’ll be the hard part, because I don’t want to relive any of that stuff. I’d rather it be tucked somewhere and happen to disappear. I gotta fade you out. I just have to… I’m finally free from being love’s prisoner, from wasting time… the healing process is on another level…

 

“When you decide to break the rules/Cuz i just heard some real bad news”



{February 2, 2009}   The Grass Is Greener

I dunno, just felt like that was a good title for this, but has nothing to do with the quote. My thinking is, not only is the grass greener, but the sun is brighter, everything just seems a lot better. I feel better. Like I woke up to reality that I have a full life. It’s challenging to see that at times with distractions in the way, but once they are pushed to the side… it’s clear. I realize how free I actually am. It’s a beautiful thing.



{January 28, 2009}   Snow Day

So school was cancelled today due to snow (yay!), though I love my classes, I was sleepy and due to my client, now a little sick. SO, I will use today to do all of my homework (hopefully). So far so… okay lol. I started thinking which is usually my problem, lol. And I just wish things were different with us. Not different in the sense that we should be official again, but different in the sense of being in each others live from a dual effort. It really sucks right now, but what can I do… ah well, can’t win them all over with this face (lol, no seriosly, just kidding). I guess that’s where I am on that, I just wish things were good different instead of pretty much nothing at all… God help me. I need to stay emotionally sober.

“outside, I’m smiling”

Didn’t you know I was waiting on you/Waiting on a dream that’ll never come true/Didn’t you know I was waiting on you”



{January 25, 2009}   Restoration Feels Wonderful

I am… overjoyed… the past week or so I have been in this… “slump” of for some reason not wanting to or simply just not reading my Bible for myself. I mean I have read it for assignments and other things I have needed it for, but when it came time for me, I would either skim, make excuses or just go to sleep, etc. Last night was the last night and I sought His help. Got in my word and asked to restore the joy of my salvation amongst other things in Psalm 51. I feel so rejuvenated (if I spelled it right). My eyes are on the right things. I am so excited about my life, especially in knowing it doesn’t depend on anything or anyone else, but what Gods has planned for me, regardless. Everything else and everyone else additional will/would be great, but it has nothing to do with my destiny. I do want to get married some day and have a family, I sincerely do in the right timing. I have 50 million little businesses and ideas floating around in my head that I would really like to impliment someday, I sincerely do in the right timing. I have a lot of vision for all of those things. I really hope who I think would be that one is there with me through this, but if not, I’m sure what God has is perfect regardless. Anywho, I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free! Glory to God!



{January 21, 2009}   Today Wasn’t the Same

At first, I thought I had a pretty good day… no drama…at first. But even before the drama, I realized that I ate but wasn’t full, physically, but it spoke to a spiritual reality. I’d prayed I don’t know how many times today, and got in my word for ministry purposes, but for me… zero. I went from store to store to try to find a “healthy snack” to hold me over until I got home. I found several, but they didn’t satisfy. Then it hit me when I was on the road… food wasn’t what I was hungry, starving, nor longing for. It was that my day was “okay” but only okay, yet in several ways it didn’t make much sense because You weren’t in it. You were the topic of much conversation, but we didn’t talk. I really missed Jesus today. Both figuratively and literally. I missed Him by passing by opportunities to holla at Him and I missed Him, because He would’ve made my day more than okay. I missed You Lord. I don’t want to ever have to miss You like this. I need to come after You more.

I need You like water, like breath, like rain…



{January 20, 2009}   Pursuing Peace

In all the moving around and things moving along with me in whatever direction. I am pursuing peace. These distractions and excuses that have claimed position different days have to go. I need to get in my Word, for me, not just other things that I have to study it for lately. I’m excited about tomorrow, I’m still excited about what is left of today. I am grateful for this time of learning perseverence and endurance. I sent my pastor an e-card earlier letting him know I appreciate his example of longsuffering, and he e-mailed me an encouragement back. I am grateful for the pastor I have and his wife (who I def need to catch up with). They are a very rare pair.

On a nother note… school starts back tomorrow and I am as ready as I will be… do I have money to get there? not really. Do I have all my books? not really and not by choice. Will I get there and still have what I need? Sure will. This, my friend, is why it is called a faith walk. So whatever to anything opposing that.



et cetera