Leah’s Daughter’s Words

{January 26, 2009}   It Would’ve Been Your 20th

Today was my cousin’s birthday. Family went to his grave and I preferred not to. Not only because I have school, but even if I didn’t I more than likely would not have. I realize that he isn’t there, in fact he wasn’t there when we buried him. We burried a body that didn’t have a spirit anymore. My little c0usin was gone the night he breathed his last, not at his funeral. I feel like going to the grave does nothing more than re-create the funeral of crying over what wasn’t there anymore. It benefits us nothing to go back. It only brings sadness. We can reminisce at home. I don’t mean it to be harsh. And I don’t love him any less from when he was alive, but he’s gone. I can’t let him go by going back there. I mean, if anyone, I could understand my aunt possibly wanting to go as his mother, but honestly, regardless of who it is… mother, father, husband, (God-forbid) my own child… I’m not revisiting a grave site… because as far as I am concerned, both biblically and psychologically it doesn’t make sense. The only reason people went back to Jesus’s tomb was to see if He had risen and that He did. I think it is more of an American thing to try to hold onto a connection to someone that can no longer ever again love you back. I mean all we can talk about is who he was, he will never be again. I miss him though. RIP (hopefully) KMJH!


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