Leah’s Daughter’s Words

{January 19, 2009}   Ironic? I Just Don’t Know

So it has been a few days so I will work backwards before I forget what I was going to type about lol. So I was going through some school supplies I had left over my niece’s house a few years ago and came across an aol instant messenger conversation between me and my ex before my last one. A convo from Fall ’05. I was about to toss it, but decided to read through it. Aside from all the gushy foolishness at all times of the morning, there was a line that made my heart almost skip a beat because it looked rather familiar. He said to some effect, “it seems like you were made for me.” Words that rang as very familiar and it actually kinda hurt. I didn’t even remember him saying that crap and that isn’t what bothered me. It was that my last ex said almost exactly the same thing to me before out of the blue and I saved that message too because when I asked him about it he didn’t explain why he had thought that, so I figured I would ask again when the time is right. I don’t know if that time will ever come. But it hurt because, it made me wonder if that was one of those in the heat of liking somebody things that people say out of being intoxicated with infatuation, as my pastor would put it. I guess it hurts because for some reason with that one, I meant all those “mushy-like” statements I made, even when I couldn’t stand him, which is pretty much where I am now lol. But I always assumed he meant it too… based on the fact that I did. But I guess I was wrong. I just found that really interesting. Maybe it’s in the “how-to-reel-in-a-girl’s-heart” in some sort of Guys 101 catalog lol (not funny). Wow. All I can say is wow. Don’t really know what to do with that. It’s making me lean towards that “that’s what they all say” & “all men are the same” attitude, but that’s not true. I hoped it wasn’t true there. I hope it isn’t true now…

On another note. I found myself stepping back a lot this past week. I am not sure who to bang with like that anymore. People are seeming shady when it comes to their words with their deeds, or even their “behaviors” in certain surroundings. Aside from it making me feel uncomfortable, I have had my walls up with many. Not because I want to, but I just really didn’t feel like crying nor being betrayed this week at least. I was encouraged by a friend of realizing longsuffering. And this… is only the beginning of that. But I will longsuffer, all for God’s glory.


khazzy says:

Funny in a not so haha way, but when I read this I felt the same. I’m going through a “love disappointment” and he said more or less the same. That he had never met anyone like me and that it was as if I were HIS perfect girl. Well that went nowhere. It was said at that stage when everything seems pink, so I guess that yes, some people do say that without thinking of the consequences and the effect it will have a little while later when they decide to change their minds.

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