Leah’s Daughter’s Words











{January 31, 2009}   Rejuvenated

Yup, that’s the word! I am truly excited about these next coming months. There is so much to be excited about and mucho going on. And it may begin as early as this coming Saturday… NYC here I come! I’m so grateful for how far God has brought me, it makes me speechless at times. It’s amazing to look back, literally amazing. So I have mucho studying to do tonight and some paperwork for work… so here goes the night…

“i feel like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe/I feel like I’m falling and this is the life for me”

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{January 30, 2009}   Trippin…

Yup… that’s what I have been doing for the passsssst ummm week I would say… Okay, back to the drawing board of “focus, focus, FOCUS!” One day I will make sense lol. Today was pretty cool. Contemplating an idea next week… dunno if I am ready to take that step, but I shall see… lol



{January 29, 2009}   Feelings

That is just what they are… feelings. They are fickle… they come and they go. They change and they fade. But they are definielty there… ugh… One day this will all make sense!

“I stood by your side/Went through all the hurt and pain/and you turned and walked away… you used to love to hold my hand, cause you used to be my man”



{January 28, 2009}   Snow Day

So school was cancelled today due to snow (yay!), though I love my classes, I was sleepy and due to my client, now a little sick. SO, I will use today to do all of my homework (hopefully). So far so… okay lol. I started thinking which is usually my problem, lol. And I just wish things were different with us. Not different in the sense that we should be official again, but different in the sense of being in each others live from a dual effort. It really sucks right now, but what can I do… ah well, can’t win them all over with this face (lol, no seriosly, just kidding). I guess that’s where I am on that, I just wish things were good different instead of pretty much nothing at all… God help me. I need to stay emotionally sober.

“outside, I’m smiling”

Didn’t you know I was waiting on you/Waiting on a dream that’ll never come true/Didn’t you know I was waiting on you”



Craziness! And rather horrible if I must say so myself. I had a dream last night, or this morning rather and it weirded me out something awful. I was in my hometown and there was some sort of masacre and people were going through the aftermath of it all and searching for their loved ones, I just didn’t understand what had happened, why or how… it was so bizarre. As my sisters and I were going down our old street, they were recognizing and remembering people that I didn’t which was also odd. And we were going somewhere with my uncle (randomly) and then in my dream I somehow remembered I had a chicken in the oven… O Lawd!!

Whoops!

Whoops!

So it was my first time making a whole chicken… not in the sense that I don’t know how to cook a chicken, I just never cooked a whole one because I never made a reason to. Anyway! So I season it the way the woman who’s chicken I looove does hers and it was smelling wonderful. Now I started this chicken in the oven a little before 10pm (1st mistake), so when midnight rolls around and I am dead tired from studying, I see that it still isn’t ready. I thought maybe I should turn it off and let it finish cooking in the morning, but decided, “no maybe it needs just another hour or so” (2nd mistake)… so I decided (genius) to set an alarm on my cell phone (which has been acting nuts all night) for 1am (3rd mistake), since said alarm did not go off at all! I woke up at 4:51am! It wasn’t black or burnt but it was definitely overcooked. I tasted it to see if there was any hope, but it didn’t have any flavor… I guess it burnt away (lol, not funny)… so this is the beginning of an interesting day……..



{January 26, 2009}   It Would’ve Been Your 20th

Today was my cousin’s birthday. Family went to his grave and I preferred not to. Not only because I have school, but even if I didn’t I more than likely would not have. I realize that he isn’t there, in fact he wasn’t there when we buried him. We burried a body that didn’t have a spirit anymore. My little c0usin was gone the night he breathed his last, not at his funeral. I feel like going to the grave does nothing more than re-create the funeral of crying over what wasn’t there anymore. It benefits us nothing to go back. It only brings sadness. We can reminisce at home. I don’t mean it to be harsh. And I don’t love him any less from when he was alive, but he’s gone. I can’t let him go by going back there. I mean, if anyone, I could understand my aunt possibly wanting to go as his mother, but honestly, regardless of who it is… mother, father, husband, (God-forbid) my own child… I’m not revisiting a grave site… because as far as I am concerned, both biblically and psychologically it doesn’t make sense. The only reason people went back to Jesus’s tomb was to see if He had risen and that He did. I think it is more of an American thing to try to hold onto a connection to someone that can no longer ever again love you back. I mean all we can talk about is who he was, he will never be again. I miss him though. RIP (hopefully) KMJH!



{January 25, 2009}   Restoration Feels Wonderful

I am… overjoyed… the past week or so I have been in this… “slump” of for some reason not wanting to or simply just not reading my Bible for myself. I mean I have read it for assignments and other things I have needed it for, but when it came time for me, I would either skim, make excuses or just go to sleep, etc. Last night was the last night and I sought His help. Got in my word and asked to restore the joy of my salvation amongst other things in Psalm 51. I feel so rejuvenated (if I spelled it right). My eyes are on the right things. I am so excited about my life, especially in knowing it doesn’t depend on anything or anyone else, but what Gods has planned for me, regardless. Everything else and everyone else additional will/would be great, but it has nothing to do with my destiny. I do want to get married some day and have a family, I sincerely do in the right timing. I have 50 million little businesses and ideas floating around in my head that I would really like to impliment someday, I sincerely do in the right timing. I have a lot of vision for all of those things. I really hope who I think would be that one is there with me through this, but if not, I’m sure what God has is perfect regardless. Anywho, I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free! Glory to God!



{January 22, 2009}   Never Ever?

My lil sister put me on to this song yesterday. One word: interesting (forgot how to spell that in spanish lol). And that about it. My web design book came today as well… One word: HYPE!



{January 22, 2009}   Love Being A Woman…

In the words of Bruce Noland (Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty)… be-a-u-ti-ful! I am in so much ridiculous pain right now. I need a hot shower, cold bath, high heat my apt, ice cream and the biggest hershey bar you can find. I went to my one class today and was barely there. I just wanted my bed. Called out from work because I just couldn’t muster up the ability to do it today. The first day is always the worst day. I think I will nap it away along with the rest of my usual routine, then do some homework later. On another note… I like these two songs… they are rather pretty



{January 21, 2009}   Today Wasn’t the Same

At first, I thought I had a pretty good day… no drama…at first. But even before the drama, I realized that I ate but wasn’t full, physically, but it spoke to a spiritual reality. I’d prayed I don’t know how many times today, and got in my word for ministry purposes, but for me… zero. I went from store to store to try to find a “healthy snack” to hold me over until I got home. I found several, but they didn’t satisfy. Then it hit me when I was on the road… food wasn’t what I was hungry, starving, nor longing for. It was that my day was “okay” but only okay, yet in several ways it didn’t make much sense because You weren’t in it. You were the topic of much conversation, but we didn’t talk. I really missed Jesus today. Both figuratively and literally. I missed Him by passing by opportunities to holla at Him and I missed Him, because He would’ve made my day more than okay. I missed You Lord. I don’t want to ever have to miss You like this. I need to come after You more.

I need You like water, like breath, like rain…



et cetera