Leah’s Daughter’s Words

{December 16, 2008}   Forward Ever…

I had a rough moment last night. A moment I had been mentally preparing myself for and praying for strength for, but it still cut deep. That’s how just about everything has been lately. When I call and it’s dead air or two words respnses, another cut… or if I text him to see how he’s doing and I get “aight”… another blow. I feel so shut out. I keep reminding myself in every area in my life that if I wasn’t built for this, God wouldn’t allow it, maybe I underestimate the strength He’s given me. All I know is that this hurts. I’m sick these cycles of giving my all and always losing. I just want to be numb, I really don’t want to deal with this at all. I don’t want to feel anything. Yet the other part of me, especially for the sake of my testimony wants to get through this.

I almost wish I could say this is something I don’t want… to be with this person because it’s been so difficult, but it’s not the case. I’m just going to continue to encourage myself and pour my heart out before God and do what I need to do. I can’t worry about this. I know there’s a fight in me that I don’t realize. So I will endure and persevere and smile anyway.

And though I think the song is cheezy and lazily (that’s a word lol) written, this Pleasure P song, at least the concept is kinda where I’m at, but I wonder if I’m wasting my time hoping. Lord, help me…


ladycool says:

I definitely feel your pain, Expecting a heyyyyy and only get hey. Asking a sincere question and getting one word or even one syllable answers….cuts like a knife.
I KNOW you have the strenght to get past it, but wouldnt it be nice if we could just stop the pain and just move on…..however like they say *What don’t kill you, will make you stronger!*

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