Leah’s Daughter’s Words

{December 2, 2008}   This Is Too Much

“…if I were a boy/I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl/I swear I’d be a better man… I’d listen to her/cause I know how it hurts… when you lose the one you wanted & everything you had got destroyed… …but you’re just a boy/and you don’t understand…”

If I Were A Boy by Beyonce

Lord, I just want to cry out to You right now. I feel weird and I am not sure if that is a good or a bad thing. I’m torn. I wish my life wasn’t so complex. But this is my life and these are my circumstances. Please help me to keep my eyes on You. I don’t want to let this get me down. I just want to be with You. My emotions cannot dictate my life or my thoughts. I’m trippin. I know he said he didn’t want to hurt me, but regardless of his intentions, him being torn does hurt me. I can’t believe the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with is merely “not sure” if he wants the same thing. My prayer is he get clarity from You. I really hope so. I feel like Ruth, but is this my Boaz, that is the question. I just want to walk in wholeness and not feeling any sort of animosity towards anyone. It’s weird, because this “If I were a Boy” song has been very adequate in looking at this situation. I wish he could see how whatever he does has an effect not only on him. I will still continue to pray for my brother and love him regardless. Daddy, help Your daughter stand firm and walk in wisdom. I love You. In Christ’s name, amen.


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