Leah’s Daughter’s Words

{November 12, 2008}   R.I.P. – Some Would Say That Life Isn’t Fair

My Paper Heart by Francesca Battistelli            I lost somebody recently. Not physically, I lost their heart. I think it hurts just as bad as the real thing though. I have never been in this position before, but after six months of longing, wondering, praying, and hoping, I think it is time that I really let him go. At least I will get to be his friend, but this changes my life because this is no longer the man I will say “til death do us part to” that I will love in sickness and health or for richer or poor.

           I guess it hurts more because I know what is/was in my heart. I know I meant every word. I know my commitment, for once in my life was really there. I’m not going to hang onto this though. I just have to let him go, though I am tempted to still ask God for another chance, I don’t know what I want to do.

          It’s like I have lived my entire life as this “diamond in the rough” and thought that someone finally discovered me and now he’s gone. It’s not the end of my world, but I had big hopes. I’ve always been “the friend” or the person people say they can’t wait to see with a family, but I have still yet to come across one that will go through the fire with me… flaws and all.

          Maybe it hurts more in a since, because I forgave a lot of things he did that I would’ve instantly ended a relationship in the past. He broke my number one rule. He cheated on me. In a way, part of me feels like regardless of what I said at the time, it ended there because I wasn’t sure what to think. It almost seemed as though I looked at him like I did my father, I was disappointed in another man that couldn’t stay faithful. I realized all of this during the six months we didn’t talk. I had realized a lot actually… So now here I am with all the pieces and I just have to let him go…

        I remain hopeful though, not so much for him, though I would love that. I told him, I realized in all this time that there is a difference between someone being able to make me smile and make me laugh. I told him I told God that I wanted to marry my best friend, the man that could make me laugh, not someone that looks good on paper. He was my best friend, but only time will tell who that man will really be. As for right now, I will move forward in becoming the woman God wants me to be. I’ve never had a heartache like this one, but I’ve never been stronger either, so I guess it works.

        So here’s my prayer: Daddy, please help me go in the way that You would have me go. Help me continue to strive for Your desires to be my desires. Don’t let me get caught up in faces, rather pursue healthy relationships. I love you, in Christ name… Amen


timeforeverypurpose says:

I guess you and I have had the same issues recently. God be with you. I know it can be painful.

Thanks for commenting on my post. Sometimes I feel like I’m sniveling, but it seems that so many of us go through the same thing.

Thank you for responding as well… be encouraged

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